I once had lunch with Robert Redford and Sissy Spacek. I know. I met them at a restaurant inside a boutique hotel on the Upper East Side that blended right in with the rest of the neighboring townhouses. The entire space was cleared out, so the wait staff treated us like we were first-class passengers on the Titanic pre-iceberg. Redford was early and ordered an off-menu chicken salad sandwich. Spacek whisked in a few minutes later and requested a chamomile tea with a side of honey.
The lunch wasn’t social. The two were co-starring in a movie, and this interview would be featured on the cover of a popular magazine. I asked about their childhoods, professional highlights and their new project; the stars — who had surely told these same anecdotes for years — were polite albeit polished in their replies. Then I posed a question that was barely a consideration during the first two acts of their careers: How do they really feel about being old?
Redford, in his 80s, lamented that Hollywood puts too much emphasis on youth. But Spacek, 13 years his junior, got personal and noted that she and her husband Jack had just attended a Bette Davis retrospective. “After, Jack said to me, ‘Oh my God it was so sad to watch her age like that'," she recalled. “I said ‘Sad? she’s so lucky — she’s got proof that she was once young!'" She ended her thought with the poignant kicker, “You can age and be beautiful.”
Eight years later, their movie has faded from my memory. But her answer still sticks with me.
Even though I like to joke that I permanently identify as 34, I’m more unsettled by aging than I care to admit. It’s not just the squinting at dinner menus in restaurants or the involuntary groan every time I get out of a car. I also can’t shake the feeling that my most vibrant, confident and happiest days are already behind me. I never did have a dramatic midlife crisis, but the existential dread? That’s real.
None of the above is a secret to any of my fellow Gen-X friends. I live for griping about the emotional and physical perils of getting older. The issue is that they can’t offer magical solutions because, well, they’re going through it too. And nobody born after Live Aid can truly relate. So I’ve started to turn to a certain group of women who have already crossed the age 50 threshold and have continued to thrive under pressure-packed circumstances: Celebrities. Much to my great relief, they have not disappointed.
Keep in mind that I go into every interview fully aware of the transactional job at hand. Famous people give me their time because they want to promote their projects, and I’m paid to ask why they were drawn to the role. More than fine by me. But women of a certain age have accumulated something even more valuable than career credits and awards — perspective. And you better believe they have a lot to say about resilience, gratitude, relationships, purpose, identity, success and time. After my conversation with the "Coal Miner’s Daughter" herself, I realized I wasn’t just asking these questions for the story; I was asking for myself.
Sure, it’s easy to dismiss these icons because the road to their future is seemingly paved with gold. But wealth and a VIP lifestyle don’t preclude them from having the same aging agita as the rest of us. If anything, working in an industry where youth is revered only heightens the pressure — and is more of a reason to admire their triumphs and pay attention to their words.
Here’s a collection of my favorite takeaways.
You Don’t Need to Please Everyone
“Clearness is kindness. I used to try to not hurt someone’s feelings. But there is a way to be straightforward. And when you stop pretending and tell the truth, kindness is implied. I spent some of my life pretending that I wanted everyone to be happy. But that’s not serving anybody. Remember that you don’t need to pretend — be exactly who you are.” — Hoda Kotb, 61