After 42 years with my husband, I’m often asked by younger friends, “What’s your secret for a lasting relationship?” Early on, physical intimacy played a big role in our happiness, but over time we’ve found that our deepest connection comes from habits and actions that go far beyond sex.
According to research by Utah State University, the divorce rate among adults 50 and older has doubled since 1990. Why? Relationships can grow stagnant if boredom and complacency set in. Many couples forget how to communicate or nurture emotional intimacy. They take each other for granted instead of prioritizing gratitude. This can be the death knell to any relationship. But there are ways to salvage an at-risk partnership.
Simple, intentional efforts — like sharing deep communication, expressing appreciation, trying new things together, and showing daily affection (hugging, kissing, or just cuddling) — can breathe new life into a relationship at any stage.
After our 20th wedding anniversary, my husband and I hit a lull. Juggling work and raising kids, we neglected our relationship. Arguments grew more frequent, and we didn’t bounce back as easily, leading to quiet resentment. The small acts of gratitude that once defined our marriage slowly disappeared. We drifted on autopilot for years — until my father passed away unexpectedly. Watching my mother’s grief and loneliness was a wake-up call. My husband and I realized we needed to nurture our bond, and we vowed to do better.
It hasn’t always been easy, but with professional guidance and a lot of mutual effort, we rebuilt our connection. Even learning to laugh off small irritations has helped us stay close. And there are plenty of other simple, expert-backed ways to keep a relationship strong that have nothing to do with sex.