At almost 50 years old, I am having the best sex of my life. I never knew that it could be this intimate, both physically and emotionally. I certainly didn’t think orgasms could get stronger and better with age, but omg, have they ever!
While I credit a lot of this sexual success to newfound confidence and (finally) finding my soulmate, there’s a little more to it. I have let go of all (okay, most) sex-related shame and embraced my every fantasy. I even share my desires with my partner, unapologetically and out loud — and the result is connection, pleasure and sexual freedom.
Fantasies are nothing to hide or feel guilty about — no matter how taboo they may be. But Anat Joseph, a psychoanalyst, says, “There’s often a disconnect between what a woman desires in her inner world and what she feels allowed to admit — even to herself.” Fantasies like threesomes, power play and exhibitionism are extremely common among women, but “often stir up shame because they challenge how women have been socialized to think about sex, power and pleasure.” Fantasies actually offer insight “into our emotional world,” says Joseph, and “they often hold clues about what we need more of — whether that’s connection, intensity, vulnerability or simply permission to want.” When it comes to sex, Girlfriends, it’s time to let go of the shame and enjoy the pleasure that comes with acceptance of both our bodies and our minds.
What are women in midlife fantasizing about? Glad you asked, because a few brave and unashamed women spilled their secrets. Here they are:
Letting Go
“After decades of ‘performing’ in bed, my fantasy now? Total surrender. Not the choreographed, lingerie-in-a-box version. I mean the raw, breathless, take-my-power-and-worship-it kind. The kind where I’m not trying to be sexy — I just am because I said so. Sometimes it’s a power reversal. Sometimes it’s being seen, completely: no filters, no flattening, just pure, unapologetic presence. Fantasies at this age aren’t just about sex — they’re about freedom. Freedom from the shame we were handed. Freedom to say, ‘I want to be touched, worshipped, undone.’” — Andrea, 55, CA
Being with a Woman
“I have always fantasized about other women. Sometimes two women kissing each other, sometimes kissing me and sometimes I imagine bringing a woman into the bedroom with me and my partner.” — Tammy, 49, VT
The Good Ole Days