What A Third Of Women Don't Care About

Turns out, I'm one of them.

By
Anonymous
 
Published November 07, 2025
AARP (Getty Images)

A recent survey conducted by the Association of Reproductive Health Professionals reported that 32 percent of women lacked interest in sex for at least two months during 2024, according to Healthy Women. I easily fall into this grouping, but I don't consider it a disorder despite everything I've read to the contrary on persistent disinterest in sex. Sexual desire is different for every woman, and I come from a long line of women on my maternal side who had low libidos.

My lack of desire would undoubtedly cause relationship difficulties if my husband had a strong sexual appetite, but his needs have waned over the years due to erectile dysfunction. Of course, there are several options available to treat our low libido. However, at our age (60s), we agree that it's more important to concentrate on the emotional connection we share. It wasn't always this way; I had a strong sexual drive when I was young, and I enjoyed sex with numerous partners before I met my future husband.

However, I was always slow to arouse, and most of my partners didn't have the patience to wait that long. So I got good at faking orgasms to cover my inability to climax. I still enjoyed the physical closeness of my partners and reveled in the passion they brought to the boudoir, but I never experienced a real orgasm until I was twenty. My partner at the time was a bit older and more experienced, and being a patient lover, he took me to new heights in the bedroom. I learned a lot from him, including the concept of self-pleasure.

This was a turning point for me, as it allowed me to understand my body and my sexual needs better.

After that first, powerful experience, I wanted more. By the time I met my husband, I'd learned a thing or two about sexual technique, which led to mind-blowing sex with him regularly. We could hardly keep our hands off each other during the early years of our marriage. But things changed after having children. I was always too tired or too stressed out, and weight gain from multiple pregnancies drained what little confidence I had left in my physical appearance.

The last thing I wanted was to be seen naked in the light of day, but my husband's high sex drive never stopped. He respected my feelings, yet at the same time, he was frustrated with my lack of sexual interest, which he took personally. We argued so often about it that again, I had to fake sexual desire to keep my husband from thinking there was something wrong with me or that I wasn't attracted to him.

I loved him dearly, but having young children under the same roof was a major buzzkill on my libido. At that point, sex had to be scheduled for mornings only — like a chore — after our kids left for school. It took all the fun out of sexual spontaneity, but it was the best that I could do.

For the longest time, I thought I was alone in my lack of sexual interest, until I opened up to several girlfriends who were struggling with the same issues. The relief and comfort in finding shared experiences with other women was immense. Those who were married and raising children shared my concerns, admitting that even masturbation was off the table since they rarely had a moment to themselves.

Unlike our husbands, it was easy for us to shut off the sex valve to focus on our kids and jobs. Sex was at the bottom of our priority list, and trying to balance our husbands' desires with a long-running mental to-do list was hard work. We also agreed that we'd rather spend our remaining free time of the day reading a book or watching Netflix rather than sacrificing an hour in bed for anything other than sleep.

I thought things would change once I became an empty nester. No kids in the house meant plenty of privacy for a romp between the sheets. But then menopause hit, and my estrogen levels plummeted, making intercourse painful despite the variety of lubricants I used.

Sex was once again placed on the back burner. In fact, I rarely thought about it, and the only way to spark arousal was through reading juicy romance novels or watching soft porn. By then, my husband was dealing with erectile dysfunction and the beginnings of mild urinary incontinence. He admitted he had anxiety associated with the pressure to perform sexually, so I never mentioned having sex unless he asked ---and I was okay with that.

We still made feeble attempts occasionally at intercourse, but it ended up being more like a comedy of errors in the bedroom. Instead, we focused on other ways to pleasure one another through oral sex or self-stimulation. The ebb and flow of sexual desire is not something I consider problematic; it's something I accept and am comfortable with, as long as there's plenty of physical affection, playfulness, and communication with my husband.

Sex may not happen very often, but when it does, it's not the big "O" that we're striving for but the intimacy of emotional connection. Of course, there are those who feel that sex is an essential part of a relationship. For us,

it's all about the non-sexual intimacy we share. Now that we've put sex on the back burner, we've found alternative ways of expressing our love, and the benefits have been rewarding. We're closer partners, best friends, and teammates who do so many other things together that bring us joy. While it's true we share an almost- sexless relationship, our marriage is sustained by the promises we've prioritized: emotional intimacy, commitment, and an enduring love that runs deeper today than the day we shared our vows.