Men Reveal Why They Finally — Finally! — Stopped Cheating

You may be surprised by what these four fellows have to say.

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Published August 28, 2024
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Claudia Chanhoi

I once dated a serial cheater, and let me tell you, the relationship was toxic (with a capital T). There was always another woman or three in his texts, and he would meet up with them whenever he could sneak away from me. We were both struggling with low self-esteem at the time, which proved to be a true recipe for disaster!

It’s been almost a decade since our so-called love affair ended, and Facebook, of course, plopped a picture of him (and his new wife) in my feed. Poor woman, I thought, he’s definitely stepping out on her just as he did on me. But was I right? Once a cheater, always a cheater? I always assumed that cliché was accurate, but now I am older and wiser and trying so hard to be less judge-y.

It was time to find out if cheaters can indeed be reformed. I asked a few brave and (newly) honest men how they ended their cheating ways:

Putting in The Work

“For a long time, I was caught in a cycle of serial cheating, constantly seeking validation through multiple relationships. I hit rock bottom emotionally, realizing that my actions were not just harming others, but they were also destroying my own sense of self-worth. I started by going to therapy, which taught me that my cheating was less about the women I was with and more about my insecurities and deep fear of vulnerability. I started having honest conversations with my partners about my past. This was incredibly difficult, but also very liberating. Owning up to my mistakes and expressing my genuine desire to change opened up a path to true intimacy and trust. I became more mindful and disciplined, reminding myself of the person I wanted to become and the kind of relationships I wanted to build. Accepting monogamy was not an overnight change, but a gradual shift in mindset. I realized that monogamy wasn’t about giving up freedom — it was about choosing to invest deeply in one person to build something meaningful and lasting.” — Max, 37, Oregon

Meeting “The One”

“When I was younger, running around with lots of women made me feel worthy, attractive and confident. I was proud of my cheating ways, and lying was part of my daily routine. In my mid-30s, I met my current wife, and everything changed. Well, not everything. Her intellect, sense of humor and caring, kind soul made me want to be the best version of myself, and I knew she was the one, but it wasn’t easy to abandon my old habits. I cheated on her early in our relationship, and she broke up with me. We separated for about eight months and I was miserable. Eventually, we reunited as friends and built up trust and loyalty. I knew I couldn’t lose her again. It was a long and slow road, but when she walked down the aisle and said, ‘I do,’ I felt like the luckiest man alive. And I still do, 12 years later.” — William, 52, New York

Redefining Oneself

“I always felt like a failure at relationships because I always found myself cheating. When it came to women, I was (and still am) weak. I love women. I love flirting with them and the fun that comes with the early stages of getting to know each other. I didn’t want to be a cheater anymore, but I knew I couldn’t do monogamy. I decided to own the fact that I wasn’t a one-woman man — and I didn’t want to be! I started to define myself as non-monogamous. I disclosed my desire for an open relationship on my dating profile, and I was pleasantly surprised when I matched with some wonderful women. Now, I am honest with everyone I date, and I feel like I am finally living as my true self.” — Ed, 47, Massachusetts

Outgrowing Old Ways

“I used to be a pickup artist and I loved it. I dated hundreds of women. It was a great experience, and I learned a lot about myself, women and relationships. A few years ago, however, I wanted to try to do something more substantial as a man, and I was interested in the next stage. The terms father and husband feel different to me now. That is what I want. I am currently in a long-term, committed relationship with someone and it feels great. It is not that I didn’t enjoy being a playboy and seducer. I did, and in a vague way, I miss it. Some men simply grow through that phase, and I would like to be one of them. I am very happy with the woman I am with. She is remarkable and I have enough experience to know that she is truly special.” — Nash, 51, California

There you have it, Girlfriends. Once a cheater, not always a cheater! These men do, however, illustrate that the common denominator for personal transformation is self-awareness and what a beautiful thing it is!

 

Do you believe in the saying "once a cheater, always a cheater" or no? Let us know in the comments below.

Suzanne E. Hayes is a freelance writer based in Simsbury, Connecticut, where she’s raising three children and finding plenty of real-life inspiration along the way. Her work explores family, identity, and the beautifully messy moments of modern womanhood. Suzanne’s writing has appeared in Working Mother, Woman’s World, Kveller, Guideposts, Under the Gum Tree Literary Magazine, and more. With honesty and heart, she brings stories to life that resonate long after the last line is read.