Long-term relationships can be one of the greatest gifts in life. For many couples who are well past the intoxicating honeymoon phase, however, it might have the excitement of a warm hearth and not the Fourth of July. Experts say it’s completely normal for relationships to change. Health issues, job stressors, childrearing, caregiving, infidelity and familiarity can dampen even the most once-ardent sex life. Bringing passion back into the bedroom takes time, patience, commitment and, most importantly, communication. Here are some tips to turn up the heat. Enjoy!
Look under the hood
“Libido is complex and not controlled by an on-off switch,” says Suzanne Gilberg-Lenz, M.D., ob-gyn at the Pelvic Health Institute of Women’s Care of Beverly Hills and author of Menopause Bootcamp, coming out from HarperCollins later this year. “To get solutions, get curious. Has familiarity or boredom set in? Are you or your partner on meds that may impact interest, arousal or experience, such as antidepressants or antihypertensives?”
Symptoms from menopause — such as dryness, painful sex and fluctuating hormones — also can cause lack of desire or interest in getting between the sheets. “An exam with a trained sexual health professional or physical exam is a huge benefit. Your solutions might lie in these answers or merely opening up communication with your partner.”
Communication is key
In The Science of Trust, therapist John Gottman recommends that partners who want to rekindle their romance need to practice emotional attunement when they communicate by remaining empathetic and avoiding the blame game. Instead of focusing on what your partner is doing wrong, focus on what they could be doing right: “Here’s what I feel, and what I need from you.” If you find communicating what you want and need difficult, you might seek the help of a trained therapist.
Make your relationship a priority