The One Thing That Can Quickly Kill A Friendship

It’s all about give and take.

By
Published November 07, 2025
torn picture of two friends, broken hearts
The Girlfriend (Getty Images: 4)

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Many things can end a friendship, but the biggest killer is a one-sided relationship. Are you always the first to initiate contact and organize plans? Are you available 24/7 to give emotional support, but when the tables are turned, they suddenly ghost you? Do you do favors for your friend, but they never reciprocate? If so, you're in a one-sided friendship. Recognizing the signs is crucial to understanding your relationships and being prepared to address — or end them.

I've experienced multiple sides of friendship drama and understand the nuances that contribute to why they end. Sometimes it's due to gradually drifting apart, a change in life circumstances, a lack of communication or even betrayal.

However, the most common cause of my friendships falling apart has been when it clearly becomes one-sided.

This was the case when I met Trish at a mommy-and-me class with our toddlers. Like so many others in our group, I was drawn to Trish's vibrancy and sense of humor, so I asked if we could set up a playdate. She agreed it would be fun, and we swapped phone numbers. Yet, every time I called to schedule something, she had an excuse and was always too busy for me. Days later, I'd hear about weekend outings she went on with other mothers from the class and felt the sting of rejection. No matter how badly I wanted her friendship, after being turned down several times, I accepted that she wasn't interested in me and moved on.

Other unmistakable red flags are when the "taker" becomes more comfortable using the "giver" to their advantage, exhibits a lack of empathy or interest in your achievements, makes judgmental comments, keeps conversations revolving solely around their lives, and is emotionally unavailable when you need them. I've had friends like this, and once I stopped being their doormat, they ghosted me. It hurt, especially when the relationship started out with mutual interest and support. Once I realized I was being used, I gratefully accepted the friendship divorce and left with my self-esteem intact.

Kinsley was one of my best friends growing up. At school, we were called "the twins" because we often dressed alike and were inseparable, spending every weekend at each other's homes. Through college, marriage and kids, we kept in touch even though Kinsley moved halfway across the United States. After her divorce, losing her job and then becoming an empty nester, she started calling me two to three times daily to complain about her life. No matter how busy I was, I always listened patiently to her list of grievances. But whenever I needed to vent, she was suddenly too busy to talk or she'd interrupt my rant to remind me how her circumstances were much worse, as if we were in some sort of twisted competition over whose life sucked the most.

Eventually, our conversations only revolved around her problems despite the times I, too, needed emotional support. When I finally confronted her, she accused me of overreacting, bitterly adding that I was always the lucky one in life and that I had little understanding of her pain. She felt she deserved more time and empathy due to her unhappy circumstances and was frustrated because, from her perspective, I had no right to complain about anything, as my life seemed ideal to her. I ended our 30-year friendship once I realized that I'd been putting too much energy into maintaining it. I missed the way things used to be with the old Kinsley, but frankly, it was exhausting being her therapist 24/7, and it was such a relief when I finally walked away.

Healthline reports that trying to sustain a one-sided friendship can be stressful and unhealthy, impacting our self-worth, personal growth, and future relationships. The article notes that "realizing someone you care for doesn't have the same regard for you can cause loneliness, confusion, anxiety, sadness and anger." A strong relationship is rooted in mutual respect and support. When it's not, it's probably time to cut ties.

For a healthy resolution, Healthline suggests that before ending things, it's best to communicate your feelings and the hurt you experienced. If you're certain there’s nothing to salvage, state your intentions to leave and gradually reduce all contact.

The pain of a broken friendship — especially one with considerable longevity — has been compared to the loss of a family member or a romantic partner. "There's a real grief experience that can happen,” explains Dr. Lauren Cook, founder of Heartship Psychological Services, in a recent blog post about failing friendships. “The stages of shock and denial, sadness, anger and bargaining are all par for the course before we reach a state of resolution.”

To manage the grief, "We can start by supporting our feelings and validating our experience. It's a loss, and acknowledging it as such is crucial,” says Dr. Cook. “Even so, remind yourself that this friendship break-up does not define you. You will still go on to have meaningful relationships with others, and you can learn through the experience so that you have a better relationship next time around."

If you believe in second chances, allow your friend to prove they value the relationship by making amends. If things remain one-sided, it's time to bow out. It’s never easy, but it may be necessary for prioritizing your mental health and achieving peace of mind.

Looking for closure after ending a one-sided friendship? Find a new tribe of friends who appreciate you and accept you as you are. Treat them the way you'd like to be treated, with the love and respect you both deserve.

Have you ever had a friendship end suddenly? Let us know in the comments below.

Marcia Kester Doyle is a Yahoo Life Columnist and the author of Who Stole My Spandex? Life In The Hot Flash Lane. Her work has appeared in The New York Times, The Washington Post, The Huffington Post, The Independent, Stylist, U.S.A. Today/Reviewed, Cosmopolitan, Good Housekeeping, AARP, Woman's Day, Country Living, House Beautiful, and many others. You can find her at marciakesterdoyle.com.