Revealed! 6 Women Share The Upsides Of Being Alone

How many times have I cried about being single? Zero!

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Published October 18, 2024
illustration of woman opening up windows looking at sunrise, upsides of being alone, singleness
Angelica Alzona

I should tell you right now I don’t have cats. Or a dog, for that matter. I also don’t spend my nights lounging on the couch with a pint of ice cream in my hand while watching some sappy Hallmark Channel movie. But I am single and in my late 40s, which means I often have a lot of explaining to do.

For the record, nobody grows up and dreams of being alone. I fantasized about potential wedding dresses and honeymoon destinations like most women in their 20s. I’ll even admit that if I had known I’d still be single at this stage in my life, I probably would have cried myself to sleep in a state of utter despair.

Want to know how many times I’ve actually cried myself to sleep about being single? Zero. Seriously. I’m way too consumed with my job and day-to-day responsibilities to ruminate over my circumstances — let alone shed tears over it. I pack my bags and skip town all the time, to the point where airport employees recognize me.

If I have a low-key weekend, it’s because I’ve specially designed it that way to give myself a break. The only time I’m reminded of my status is when others inadvertently remind me of it: Are you bringing a date to the wedding? Nope. What are you doing for New Year’s Eve? Not sure. Is it okay if I bail on lunch? My kid is sick. Sure. Otherwise, I deal with the same general stresses as my married-with-kids peers, from the rising cost of Everything but the Bagel Crackers at Trader Joe’s to mammogram results.

Here's another debunked myth: My single friends rarely complain to me about being single. That’s why I wanted to talk to a handful of them about the positives of our lifestyles. They were all willing to talk. Not surprisingly, I could only carve out a sliver of interview time with them because they’re busy as heck. I’ve whittled down our conversations to six benefits — pets and pet peeves not included!

“I have financial freedom.”

As a single person, I’m proud of my increasing financial literacy. I’m in charge of my own money, so I know how to allocate between stocks and bonds in my savings funds. I’ve also taught myself things like optimal net allocation. If I had a partner, I’d have to share accountability for all these decisions. I might have to help pay off his loans and deal with my kids’ college funds. That can lead to a lot of fighting and mistrust. The flip side is that I can save and spend however I want to. I can splurge on concert and ballet tickets without thinking twice and decide how much I need to put away for my retirement. There’s a lot of power when you can control your own destiny. — Amy, 51, Boston

“I do whatever I want at home.”

I actually really like living by myself because I don’t have to feel like I’m acting a certain way around somebody else. I’m a little messy and can throw my stuff everywhere. Then I clean my apartment at weird times! I have friends who are like, “My husband and I both go to bed at 9 p.m.” I don’t understand that. At night, I watch trashy TV and scroll on the phone in bed and then spread out and fall asleep. I feel like if I were living with someone, I might feel weird about doing a lot of that. I don’t want to be judged for eating potato chips at midnight, you know? Don’t even get me started on going to the bathroom! Everyone’s a little crazy in their own way when they’re alone, so I appreciate that I can 100 percent be myself. — Abby, 39, New York City

“I date around.”

Well, I wouldn’t call myself a Samantha Jones. Like, I don’t go through a lot of guys just for the sex. But I still do enjoy the thrill of dating and meeting so many different kinds of guys. I went out with someone last year who slipped into my DMs. I’m also on a few dating apps and I make a point to leave my apartment. Definitely not loud bars and clubs anymore, but I’m out and about. Do I still want to be in a loving, long-term relationship? For sure. But there’s still something so fun about the element of surprise. I still get nervous before a first date and the first kiss, just like I did when I was in my 20s! Even now, you just don’t know where something or someone could lead. — Christy, 42, New York City

“I’m an expert problem-solver.”

I’ve had to learn a lot because I’m single. Starting with little things like buying a shower head and then finding a plumber to install it. I never thought that would be me! A big thing happened a few years ago when I went down to my apartment building’s parking garage and saw that someone had busted my car window. There was glass everywhere. I was like, “Oh, shit, what do I do?!” I admit it would have been nice at that moment to have a husband to just give me the answer. But then I thought, “No, I can figure this out by myself.” First, I went to a dealership; then, I found a Safelite, and they repaired it for me. I was proud of myself. — Karen, 47, Detroit

“I design my own schedule.”

This weekend, I’m going to drive down to Ohio City and walk around a little bit and check out a new coffee shop that just opened. On Sunday, depending on the weather, I’ll either go to the movies or go to the outdoor market that I love. I’ll do a little work, too. It’s like I can check out anything because I do what I want when I want it — and I don’t have to deal with convincing someone else to go with me. I like being independent like that. I have some friends who need to ask permission from their husbands before they do anything. I wouldn’t say that bums me out; it’s more like a shock to my system because I’m not used to living like that. It’s fun to be spontaneous and live in the moment! — Nicole, 48, Cleveland

“I embark on big adventures.”

When I turned 40, I felt so stuck in my life. Then, a friend told me, “You’re single and don’t have any dependents except your dog. You can do whatever you want!” I ended up quitting my job, renting out my house and traveling the world for nine months by myself. I would have gone for longer if I had the money! That experience changed my life, and I decided that every 10 years, I’d treat myself to a big adventure just for a sense of satisfaction. So, I recently turned 50 — and even though I now have a boyfriend, I just went to Europe for a 10-day guided hiking trip through France and Switzerland. It was really intense, but I presented it to myself as a celebration. I also wanted to show my friends and family that you’re never too old to follow your dreams. — Ali, 50, Missoula

 Are any of you single and happy to be single? Let us know in the comments below.

Mara Reinstein is a New York City–based film critic and entertainment journalist who contributes to Us Weekly, Billboard, The Cut, Architectural Digest, HuffPost, The Ringer, Parade and more. She's also an instructor at Gotham Writers Workshop and guest co-host on SiriusXM Volume. Check out her blog at MaraMovies.com.