The history of the manicured nail is long and illustrious, and began millennia before Revlon or the Kardashians got on board. Who knew? (I didn’t.) As early as 3000 BC, women in China painted their nails with beeswax infused with flower petals, with black and scarlet tints reserved for empresses. Ancient Babylonians colored their nails with kohl, following a color code that distinguished social classes. Egyptian queens as far back as 1500 BC dyed their nails with henna.
Bottom line: our historical connection to decorated fingernails runs far deeper than I realized. And judging by the nail industry’s current $12.1 billion-dollar global market, which is projected to double by 2032, its future is bright.
Between the weight of history and the rise of nail art influencers, I feel as though I’ve rightfully absorbed a powerful cultural underpinning for my current nail anxieties. I grapple with shame — yes, shame — about my now-wavy, inarguably misshapen fingernails.
My nails weren’t always remarkable. As a teen, I remember having average fingernails, which I regularly filed and sporadically painted beige or lavender or whatever interesting color I unearthed at my local Kmart. I knew other girls and women cared deeply about their nails; it just wasn’t my jam.
As a young adult, I was diagnosed with a very common, very treatable thyroid condition, particularly prevalent in women. The ensuing decay in the condition of my nails was so ridiculously gradual that I didn’t take it in until one day, in my 40s, I saw that my nails were starting to look like cloven hooves. Truly! Their surfaces were uneven, with some split down the middle. I hadn’t made a big to-do over my nails when they were healthy, but I sure made a big to-do when they weren’t.
My doc said the changes in my nails were a typical side effect of the thyroid condition. I understood, yet hiding my nails took up an increasing amount of my thoughts, quite literally every darned day. Our hands are on public display all the time, whether we’re thumbing our phones, tapping our credit cards, or typing on our laptops. So, I’d keep my hands in my pockets when I could; in my lap, rather than on a conference table; and popped on gloves as soon as the weather permitted. The mildly repulsed glances I imagined I got when I lifted a glass at a cocktail party seemed a typical emotional side effect of the typical medical side effect.
Bowing to this relatively new but powerful internal pressure, I tried acrylic tips. Blech! I loathed the experience. The manicurist used a rotating sanding tool to rough up the nails’ surfaces so the acrylic tips would stick, and nail dust coated my skin. The process took north of 75 minutes, plus travel time, and cost $60 before tipping the nail tech.