I Admit It. I Cheated. Why I'm So Glad I Did

It may not be for everyone but cheating was the right move for me.

Published February 14, 2025

illustration of hairdryer blowing away previous hair colorist

Andrea D'Aquino

As I approached the entrance, I felt a pang of guilt. I had always been loyal. Prior to this moment, I had gone back and forth, grappling with the decision. If I went through with it, I wouldn’t be able to deny I strayed. But I was unhappy and needed a change. So, with a deep breath, I pushed open the door and sat in the salon chair.

Before this moment, I had never cheated on my hair colorist since we began working together over a decade ago. Aside from the pandemic lockdown when the salon was closed, I met with her consistently every four weeks.

As a hair care professional, she is meticulous and responsible. She takes pride in her work. On the occasion that I am running late, she is understanding. If I am in a bind, she will always find a way to squeeze me in if I ask, even if the receptionist says she is fully booked.

Personally, I am very fond of her. She is a warm, friendly, and genuine woman. No matter how crazy her day is, she immediately greets me with a broad smile when I walk in for my monthly single process.

We have gotten to know each other and developed an easy rapport, talking about everything from our families to weekend plans. Even though we never socialized outside the salon, we have a long-lasting relationship. That is why going to someone new felt like such a betrayal.

But for nearly a year, I’d been frustrated with how my hair looked. Although I spent over two hours at every visit transforming into a glossy brunette, my color seemed to fade quickly. Within 10 days, I would notice a stubborn gray forming a white streak at my part line. My hair looked thin, especially in the front, and a little dull overall.

During the past few visits, every appointment began with me expressing my concerns about my hair. While my colorist was patient and sympathetic, ultimately, she had no real solutions beyond suggesting I come to the salon more often for root touch-ups. Then she would go to the backroom, mix up the same color formula she always used and applied in the same way she always had.

A cautious person by nature, a part of me was comforted knowing my hair color would be exactly the same as the last time I had come for a touch-up. I might not have been 100 percent satisfied, but I never left with color I totally disliked.

But then, one day, I saw a post on social media from an old acquaintance. She was in a salon chair getting her hair done for an event. I hadn't seen her in a while and she looked incredible, especially her hair. The hair professional was tagged in the post. On a whim, I looked up his contact information and made an appointment.

In the following weeks, I made and canceled that appointment thrice. I kept getting cold feet. I worried I wouldn’t like a new perspective and that letting someone else do my hair was too risky. Also, I felt guilty — how could I go to someone new when my colorist had always been so kind to me?

"Changing hair colorists and stylists should not be traumatic,” explains Barbara Werner, the Director of Operations for Lucinda Ellery Hair Systems. Because we become friendly with them, we think of them more as friends or therapists rather than stylists. We tend to see it as a breakup rather than a change in hairstyle or color.”

It's true. If I were dissatisfied with my long-time plumber or cable company, I wouldn't feel emotional making a change. But the relationship between a hair professional and a client just feels more intimate than other service providers.

Sitting in the new salon chair, I was nervous and missed that familiarity. Yet, the new environment offered me an opportunity to speak candidly. When the new colorist asked what had brought me in, I didn't need to be diplomatic.

I never wanted to hurt my long-time colorist’s feelings, but with this new person, there was no history. I was frank, and he was, too. Although I was fully dressed, I felt a little naked as he critiqued the current state of my hair.

Rachel Voss, owner of Voss Salon, says, "Trying a new stylist comes with the benefit of fresh insights and techniques, potentially introducing you to styles you hadn't considered."

Unlike my long-time colorist, the new person had many creative solutions to my hair woes. He thought my hair needed a significant refresh — not just the color but the cut, too. (If I was a cheater, why not go all the way and betray my hair cutter as well?) I leaned back in the chair and said, “Let’s do it!”

Hair pros are mixed on whether to tell your old stylist that you are trying someone new. Some believe that, like in any relationship, honesty is the best approach. Kate Ross, a hair specialist at Irresistible Me, says, “Ghosting can feel a bit awkward, especially if you've been seeing each other for a long time." Ross believes stylists appreciate honesty and understand a desire for change, especially if they know it’s not personal. “Just a quick, ‘I’m curious to try a new style with fresh eyes,’ can go a long way,” says Ross. “It keeps things friendly, and the transparency can keep the door open if you ever want to return.”

But other professionals like Werner don’t think it is necessary to have an awkward conversation. “You don't owe any explanations," says Werner. “If you want to try a different salon, just do it. If you come back, you can say you wanted to try something new, and it didn't work out.”

I am embarrassed to say I went the ghost route and feel bad. But I am not sure directly telling my colorist, "It's not you, it's me. I need a change," would have felt much better. Ultimately, it is hard to tell someone you want to part ways.

Regardless of whether I had told her in advance, I would have felt uncomfortable returning if it had not worked out (although Ross says that stylists understand that sometimes we want to experiment and not to worry about returning to our old stylist).

Luckily for me, "cheating" turned out to be the right move. The new stylist suggested highlights, different products, and a bias cut. I held my breath as he dyed, foiled and snipped my hair, but when I saw the result, I was very happy. Three weeks later, I still feel a little guilty but mostly, I am really pleased with my new look.

Would you feel guilty if you switched stylist's? Have you ever done just that? Let us know in the comments below.

Randi Mazzella is a freelance writer and journalist. Her work has appeared in numerous online and print publications The Washington Post, Next Avenue, Your Teen for Parents, SheKnows and New Jersey Family. She writes about a wide range of topics including parenting, mental health, wellness, pop-culture, teens, finance and midlife issues. She is a wife and mother of three children who inspire her every day. To read more of her work, go to randimazzella.com.