Want A More Peaceful Life? Then Do This

The four mantras that have changed my life.

Published May 22, 2026

illustration of woman piling rocks on top of each other

Casey Beifuss

I have lived most of my life with a sense of urgency, rushing through everything I do to get to some unknown next thing. I’ve spent hours wrestling with anxious thoughts and potential problems that didn’t even exist, replayed yesterdays with regret, and reacted to things impulsively and with emotion rather than with patience and wisdom. This way of life has led to pain, missed joy, chaos and anxiety. Eventually, the pain of staying the same became greater than the fear of change, and I began to grow into a better version of myself. I am still on this journey, and little by little, over the course of 14 years, I have changed quite a bit. One thing that has helped me tremendously is Stoicism, a philosophy that encourages living in the moment, calming the mind and acting with intention, virtue and wisdom. Here are four stoic principles that helped me find peace and a better way to live. Perhaps they can help you do the same.

Focus on What You Can Control

“We should always be asking ourselves: 'Is this something that is, or is not, in my control?'" — Epictetus

We have heard it before, girlfriends, but the Stoics say it a little louder: Focus only on those things which you can control. Lost a job? Diagnosed with an illness? Your spouse cheated on you? Not in your control. How you respond and carry yourself through these tough times? Definitely in your control. It is one of the core principles of Stoicism, and it’s not as easy as it sounds. It is our nature to try to solve problems using our brains, our words, our will. As humans, we have the ability to manipulate, mastermind and orchestrate things in our lives. Sometimes. But when we try to control that which was never ours to control, we create our own chaos, dis-ease, ego and disappointment. All of these things will steal your joy. They pull you out of the present moment and away from the best version of yourself. The Stoics believe that peace is found in the simple act of letting go of everything that you cannot control. What this sometimes means is doing no-thing, and for many of us that is much harder than doing something. But if you can master this practice (because yes, it takes discipline and practice), you just may feel a whole lot lighter.

Be Kind and Forgive

“Let’s be kind to one another. We’re just wicked people living among wicked people. Only one thing can give us peace, and that’s a pact of mutual leniency.” — Seneca

The Stoics believe that every act of evil and wrongdoing is simply the result of ignorance, or as Seneca wrote, the result of a person “deprived of truth and philosophy.” Stoics believe that choosing forgiveness is always the most virtuous thing to do. Holding on to anger, which is the response many of us have to wrongdoing, only allows the other person to continue hurting you. Seneca makes a clever comparison “would anyone think it normal to return a kick to a mule or bite a dog?” Of course, not, because we know dogs don’t really know any better. So, why not offer humans the same grace?

Memento Mori: Remember That You Must Die

“Let us prepare our minds as if we’d come to the very end of life. Let us postpone nothing. Let us balance life’s books each day. The one who puts the finishing touches on their life each day is never short of time.” — Seneca

Imagine a life in which you truly lived every single moment as if it were your last one. True stoics master this discipline. They believe that death is not something to be feared. Rather, it something to be expected, accepted and faced every day. In other words, they live like they were dying. As a matter of fact, they believe that facing mortality provides us with very helpful information about how we are living. Marcus Aurelius suggests you ask yourself this: “Am I afraid of death because I won’t be able to do this anymore?” If the answer to this question is no, well, then, you are not living your best life. Perhaps you are afraid of death because there is so much left you have yet to do. In that case, don’t delay. Start checking those items off your list. Get everything you possibly can out of every moment and don’t assume tomorrow (or next year) is promised. Because it isn’t, girlfriends.

Remember That Your Loved Ones Must Die, Too

“If you are kissing your child or wife, say that it is a human being [a mortal] whom you are kissing, for thus when they die, you will not be disturbed.” — Epictetus

While we are on the topic of mortality, let’s tackle this bold Stoic idea. Epictetus suggests that we can prepare for the death of our loved ones by acknowledging the impermanence of their lives. This mindset minimizes the shock and grief that comes when they do pass. And it is indeed guaranteed, that they will pass. Stoics don’t claim that we can completely avoid the pain of grief, but with practice, we can build resilience through acceptance and detachment — not by loving less, but by loving more fully in the present moment If you attach yourself to others as if they are “yours” or here forever, well, that’s living a false reality. The true reality is that none of us will be here forever. This truth teaches us to take no one for granted and to love with gratitude.

Want to know more or practice these principles in your daily life? Pick up some literature like The Daily Stoic or The Beginner’s Guide to Stoicism: Tools for Emotional Resilience and Positivity. And remember, girlfriends, peace isn’t found in controlling the world around you, it is found in mastering the world within you.

Suzanne E. Hayes is a freelance writer based in Simsbury, Connecticut, where she’s raising three children and finding plenty of real-life inspiration along the way. Her work explores family, identity, and the beautifully messy moments of modern womanhood. Suzanne’s writing has appeared in Working Mother, Woman’s World, Kveller, Guideposts, Under the Gum Tree Literary Magazine, and more. With honesty and heart, she brings stories to life that resonate long after the last line is read.